weights

suppose that the only real truth
is that i need the weight of
the no and the uncertainty
it drains me and does away with
all that excess space that contains
nothing but the mediocrity of
today and yesterday and i am
perfectly aware that this is not
what is normal or usually acceptable
but i do find great comfort in the
heaviness of this search
for what will make me last
longer this time
because i
have become so weary
of these losers that
misunderstand my win and it is
only when i too succumb that
i fit just for a moment but
the only real truth is that
we lie to gain momentum
because everyone else is slowing
down.

Sex & the City

Yes. I was there at midnight.

I was initially going to type up a long, in-depth review of the Sex and the City movie. I decided against it for two reasons; one reason is that I will spoil the movie if I do, and the other reason is just because I don't really feel like it anymore.

The film is not disappointing. The glamour is there, the innovative fashion is definitely there, and the essence of the four girlfriend's bond continues. If you like the TV show for these reasons, then you will adore the movie and cry like my ridiculous sister. If you like weddings and babies and cheesiness, you will probably go watch the movie again.



I began watching Sex and the City when I was only about thirteen. Let's just say I learned a lot about many things from watching this on HBO when I was most likely way too young. But that is how I do most things anyway...
I loved it because I loved Carrie. I loved how real she was, I love how she expressed herself, and what she represented. In my juvenile mind, she represented the "new" woman: independent, smart, savvy, and effortlessly fashionable. She was a writer, and of course that also has a lot to do with why she was my hero at one point. A point in my life when I was obviously a lot more impressionable.
I miss that Carrie... that smoked too many cigarettes and was always looking for something more. The Carrie that did not take crap from anyone and always had something to say. She stood on her own two feet and set herself apart by always being true to herself. In an effort to make this movie more marketable, HBO did away with a lot of the raw acting and dialogue... there is still some left, but it is easily concealed under the constant label dropping, her love for Mr. Big, a way bigger budget... and Jennifer Hudson? WTF.

Cute movie, but I prefer my Season 1 re-runs any day of the week.

All I have to say...

See you never.

I don't feel sad when I completely cut someone out of my life. When a person or situation is adversely affecting me, I become very good at it. Reminiscent of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind... when you forget, there is nothing left to miss.

metaphor

i love you so gently
in a way that is
like a constant whisper
a reminder that you have
tamed me in a way
that you have become
much more than the
warm spot on my bed
or the hand on my hip
as i fall asleep
sometimes it is not
always so, when it is loud
that is when you hear it most
from my breath near your ear
as i let you in
and your body pressed
against my body
among other fingerprints
that are dissolving
more as the days pass
and we continue to
exist in our small place
away from the noise of
the rest of everything
that is not so pretty
not so gentle

Gooooodddd morning!!!

I woke up this today to wonderful news! I mean, extraordinary news! Something that I never thought would happen in a million years happened. I have the best Dad, I mean it. I sort of feel bad for everyone else in the world... except for my sister because she gets him, too.

And then, as I drove to work, I received a phone call that I had been anticipating. This phone call only brought more good news to my already fantastic morning. Even the usually horrible coffee at work was drinkable!

I love bragging because these past few months have been so stressful, and now everything is falling into place.

I hope you have a beautiful day.

Back to reality...

Much to my dismay, I returned from San Francisco yesterday. I really, really did not want to. I had such a perfect weekend. It was absolutely lovely... it rained the first day we were there, which was nice. But, then the next day it was actually a little bit sunny! Not only that, but I was in the sweetest company. We are such a great team, and I love being in love... I noticed so many little things about him this weekend. He got me coffee while I showered and even buckled the strap on my shoes while we waited for the elevator at our hotel; I was running late for a very important appointment (surprise, surprise). FACT: Some people are better than others. <3

It was so much fun, exploring the city and making our plans. And yes, I had a few "appointments", and I am very happy to say they went remarkably well. I do not want to give too many details until everything is set in stone, I do not want to jinx anything. Let's just say there are green lights all over the place, and we will have a new zip code an entire month sooner than we thought. I promise to not be so ambiguous in just a couple of weeks, when everything is set.

I was so sad to leave that I got drunk by myself on the ride home.

:)

Blasphemous profanity brings a little joy to my heart in moments of frustration.

National Public Radio

Nothing good in the news today.
It just one of those days.
One of those days when I really can't even fake a smile to strangers walking down the street and I have evil thoughts about 99% of the people that I encounter. Oh, and it is raining. Actually, rain is good. I like rain.

...but, I will not be frazzled for long...

*THIS TIME TOMORROW I WILL BE IN MY BELOVED SAN FRANCISCO.*

P.S. I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art last night and watced "Eraserhead". God damn, that deserves its own blog entry. More on this later.

none

the lightest night was when
i felt you, almost, as i drove home
the moon beams were warm
against the fresh wind and the quiet
under a dark sheet with plastic stars
you sleep next to an empty form that
knows nothing of how scared you are
and how small you were as our bodies
were just a tangle of arms and legs
our faces so close i heard those words
before you even opened your mouth
and i kissed you like i never thought
and i bet no one would ever believe
that we were really that once
just two more of a big kind
that yearn for a morning that isn't
so transparent and mundane
but now i only feel the light night
as i remember that just once you
also were warm and real
and not just
what i think of when the moon and i
drive along the way
you could never go

Charles Bukowski

one of Lorca's best lines
is,
"agony, always
agony..."
think of this when you
kill a
cockroach or
pick up a razor to
shave
or awaken in the morning
to
face the
sun.

Sssshhhh... ;-)

Belaire

Waiting for your future to unfold,
you're not a little kid anymore,
you've got to find what you're looking for.

Sunburn, Coconut Records, and a trip to SF.

Yesterday was a great beach day... friends, beers, and cancerous rays of sun... LOVELY. I have cuts and bruises from trying to climb the cliffs to go to "special" beach spots. Oh, how I will miss the Vitamin D overdoses. Do they have In & Out in the Bay Area?

On another note, I am obsessed with Jason Schwartzman's [not so] new music project... very good stuff, and not only because we all know I like him anyway! ;)

AND! I will be in San Francisco in just a few short days, scoping out a major opportunity I will disclose at a later date...
For now, I leave you with this:



P.S. NEW WOODY ALLEN FILM OPENS IN SEPTEMBER!!! JAVIER BARDEM, PENELOPE CRUZ, AND SCARLETT JOHANSSON.

Glad to report...

Sunny skies, warm temperatures, a gorgeous Saturday in my lovely San Diego.



Tomorrow I will be a beach bum... trying to pretend there is no such thing as Mondays!

All of your failures are training grounds.

My sister, our friend Donkey, and I spent some quality time together and went the Rilo Kiley show tonight at Viejas Casino. They played a good set, Jenny sounded awesome, and Jason looked beautiful like always... On the drive home from Alpine, we sang oldies and listened to AIR all the way.
Good night :]

The semester is almost over...

FINALLY! Hardest one to date, but the worst is yet to come. YAY for higher education!

Quedate Luna...

¿Qué tomas lunita y porqué estas tan amarilla?
Bueno, ya estoy cansada y mis hijas ya me dicen viejita
El pelo tan seco y mi piel ya no brilla
Pero el mundo es tuyo, esta noche eres mía.


Devendra Banhart

For a new blogger/reader/♥:

You know who you are :]

Sweet Adeline...

Cut this picture into you and me
Burn it backwards, kill this history
Make it over, make it stay away
Or hate'll sing the ending that
Love started to say

There's a kid a floor below me singing:
"Brother can you spare sunshine for a brother
Old man winter's in the air"
Walked me up a story, asking how you are
Told me not to worry,
You were just a shooting star

Sweet Adeline
My Clementine

It's a picture perfect evening
and I'm staring down the sun
Fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done
Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head
Or any situation where
I'm better off than dead