A lesson in failing.

don't let the feeling fool you
it is not much more than
another one of those fleeting moments
that drown you momentarily and make you
forget that you are made of steel
and will not be easily swept
into the current of endings
because you are not even close
to the start of all that is planned
it usually takes a great deal of
gut and just a few mistakes
before you are struck with the realization
that you have absolutely no idea
what is in store for you

it is fruitless to be so arrogant
and believe that you can control
what happens a little bit later
just be sure to make careful calculations
make your mind crush that silly conscience
and always be ready for all that is
impossible to predict
firmly keep your place and never
confuse comfort and security
for truth and substance

find no surprises, always trust preparation
they lied when they told us
that things come neatly and ready to go
we must work harder than the rest
because we are the lucky ones
we see order in a picasso
and the current status of humanity
in the inebriated prose of bukowski
keep this near, as armor
who you are can never be replaced
for what you wanted


For KEA

Stop and go.

sometimes the better things get buried
and are forgotten
beneath the layers of routine and disappointment
and caught inside of
what is wanted and what
needs to be done
the simple pleasures are really just that
small, sweet, brief
joy is usually the wallflower
she waits, patient and quiet
in hopes that one will stop
and slow done long enough
take a look around
in order to fully understand
that not everything
is about moving forward
most things will quickly pass
and never make their way
back to right now

there is much to be gained
within a properly timed
p a u s e .

Hazards

a peculiar day around these parts
the heat of the sun can be felt everywhere
its warmth touching everything
but it is somehow different when
the brightness is only felt on the surface
when a mood that is more gray
and hardly yellow
is felt in places that i'd
rather not recognize
settling somewhere between happy and sad
two generalized emotions that indicate
whether smiles are effortless
the daily quest of living a little
of finding purpose and the pursuit of
whatever
but i must not be so selfish
for this is the human conundrum and
though the weather is slightly mocking
i must be a little more naked for the
daunting sun on a highly unusual
saturday morning.

A Walk

I pull the thick wool coat tighter across my body as I step outside. The streets are quiet and pretty, even at night. The colorful Victorians in their neat rows are gently illuminated by the tall street lamps. After purposely choosing the steepest of the small hills, I begin walking at a quicker pace. My cheeks become warm and the fog and the wool are heavy on my shoulders. As I continue with no set destination, my thoughts are mixed and my emotions dulled. Anyone who contemplates this situation would call me a fool, what happened to your character? How dare you feel sorry for yourself! You got exactly what you wanted! What was that? I think I forgot... My own apartment in this beautiful city, far enough from everything that has been my life so far. I believe I wished for novelty and adventure. The streets that are approaching are not familiar; I glance inside every lit window wondering about those who may be resting inside- Are they happy, complete? My mind is still working quickly, the park is in view now, expanding much farther than what I can see. After surveying my options, I decide to walk into the most dense part of the brush. Branches stick out in almost every direction but my clothes protect me from their sharpness and I easily step over fallen trunks that are tangled all over the ground. Though it is very dark, I am not scared. I hear nothing but my breathing that has become heavier. Before long, I can no longer see the street and the passing of cars has become completely inaudible. Finally, a slow smile creeps over my face… Here, in the middle of nature, I no longer feel so lonely. The night is wide and the huge expanse of trees is everywhere. I am enveloped in their cold embrace. The stars are few and far between, but I have overlooked them anyway. My head is as clear as the air and the soil is making my jeans wet but I don’t bother to notice as I sit in the company of uncertainty.

Greetings...

I promise to write soon. I have been so busy.

xoxo

joie de vivre

the fog is suspended in the air
by invisible strings that hold it
so delicately
it moves as slowly as my adjustment
to this place, so beautiful
but i feel nothing
my legs have moved far before
this little heart left far behind
to find its own way
once again

everything smells different here
my appetite shrinks with new tastes
alone but in the company
of all my dreams
all that i ever desired
before i even knew myself and
what i would become
a very strong mind placed upon
fragile shoulders that sway
but never fall

"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life."