valeria velasquez.
22 years old, philosophy major.
san francisco, ca.
A study [of metaphysical concepts.]
There are moments in life when I have looked
around, and there always seemed to be someone next to me. And then ahead
and behind, I could see people standing as well. As time passes and I
grow, these persons seem to become smaller. The center of human reality,
the ego, is always present. And when one of those rare, yet staggering,
moments of weakness crept in, I looked around and hoped to find a body
that could hold me up. The real test, I have discovered, is when there
is nothing but too much empty space. Looking around is fruitless because
the only one who can push me forward is myself and then I must rely
only on inner strength and any sense of ferocity that once was.
Truly
being alone is the most strengthening experience, in the metaphysical
sense, that one can endure. Complete loneliness can be absolutely
uncomfortable, because in this state everything is illuminated and this
stark light is not always flattering. Without the luxury of company and
the crutch of stale conversation, you are forced to hear buried thoughts
and confront the unfortunate aspects of current existence. There are
several stages that must be exhausted in order to reach the true height
of self-realization. The first step is the hardest, and the longest.
This first step, a sort of depression, is the most critical and also the
one that will yield the strength that is necessary during this journey.
The
depression can vary in degree and length of time. It stems from a great
feeling of inadequacy and the complete dissipation of the blissful
sense of wellbeing that comes from ignorance. The key is staying afloat
during this period and keeping the eyes open to begin to absorb some of
the discovery that will begin to unfold. Several aspects of this
discovery may cause grief, but others will bring a true sense of
gratitude. Soon, the conscience will begin to separate the good from the
bad. At this juncture, the depression will cease and the self will
begin to strengthen.
The
“bad” list will be analyzed but from a sort of objective distance, and
one by one these situations will be re-assessed or erased altogether.
The “good” list in the conscience will be the strongest and will also
become the center of a newfound reality. This center will begin to
govern the decisions the subconscious makes. Several of these items will
become more profound and all of one’s devotion will be invested in the
parts of biggest importance. There are three keys aspects at the top of
the list: The Self, The Endeavors of the Self, and Family/True
Friendships.
Even
when self-realization has been met, it is not static. The three main
categories of existence will be constantly changing and evolving. The
constant growth of such things is the only way that they will flourish
and make at least the smallest of positive contributions to our human
progress. Above all, the self will gain the most valuable and altering
of all realizations: Each and every sentient being exists in a selfish
and private universe. We must rely on ourselves and stand firmly on our
own perseverance in order to truly be and not only breathe for the sake
of doing so. Those who are lucky enough to achieve this are the most
misunderstood, the most questioned, the most free.
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