Monday, November 24, 2008

A study of sorts.

There are moments in life when I have looked around, and there always seemed to be someone next to me. And then ahead and behind, I could see people standing as well. As time passes and I grow, these persons seem to become smaller. The center of human reality, the ego, is always present. And when one of those rare, yet staggering, moments of weakness crept in, I looked around and hoped to find a body that could hold me up. The real test, I have discovered, is when there is nothing but too much empty space. Looking around is fruitless because the only one who can push me forward is myself and then I must rely only on inner strength and any sense of ferocity that once was.

Truly being alone is the most strengthening experience, in the metaphysical sense, that one can endure. Complete loneliness can be absolutely uncomfortable, because in this state everything is illuminated and this stark light is not always flattering. Without the luxury of company and the crutch of stale conversation, you are forced to hear buried thoughts and confront the unfortunate aspects of current existence. There are several stages that must be exhausted in order to reach the true height of self-realization. The first step is the hardest, and the longest. This first step, a sort of depression, is the most critical and also the one that will yield the strength that is necessary during this journey.

The depression can vary in degree and length of time. It stems from a great feeling of inadequacy and the complete dissipation of the blissful sense of wellbeing that comes from ignorance. The key is staying afloat during this period and keeping the eyes open to begin to absorb some of the discovery that will begin to unfold. Several aspects of this discovery may cause grief, but others will bring a true sense of gratitude. Soon, the conscience will begin to separate the good from the bad. At this juncture, the depression will cease and the self will begin to strengthen.

The “bad” list will be analyzed but from a sort of objective distance, and one by one these situations will be re-assessed or erased altogether. The “good” list in the conscience will be the strongest and will also become the center of a newfound reality. This center will begin to govern the decisions the subconscious makes. Several of these items will become more profound and all of one’s devotion will be invested in the parts of biggest importance. There are three keys aspects at the top of the list: The Self, The Endeavors of the Self, and Family/True Friendships.

Even when self-realization has been met, it is not static. The three main categories of existence will be constantly changing and evolving. The constant growth of such things is the only way that they will flourish and make at least the smallest of positive contributions to our human progress. Above all, the self will gain the most valuable and altering of all realizations: Each and every sentient being exists in a selfish and private universe. We must rely on ourselves and stand firmly on our own perseverance in order to truly be and not only breathe for the sake of doing so. Those who are lucky enough to achieve this are the most misunderstood, the most questioned, the most free.

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