all mine.

my ribs are aching from the weight of
this bloody pulp, this massacre
it used to be my heart, now desecrated

i smile only because
how can one live with
this dark pit? falling and falling
into a space of nothingness
in every direction but still
i get up and pretend to be human
you fake it long enough that
you forget if there is any difference
between the skeleton and the flesh.

i envy everything that is touching you right now.

how many lives have i loved you?
i feel myself plunging into miles of
black sea, searching, to peel away this layer
this lifetime where you did not come first
you came after to remind me that
our souls never forget, they exist even
when we are dead and waiting to
come back as tulips or a moth
and like you always have, again and again
you will find me, in every form, every existence
you will find me just to remind me
that we persevere through the pain of goodbye
until we come back once more
as humans or goats or fog or fire 

(excerpt from an essay.)

It was just another typical night
in the same neighborhood we had frequented
with other people and different bodies
our lives an undeniable parallel, one soul
you barely drank anything and I pretended
that my thoughts were not already slower and blurry
I wanted to touch your hair, your hands
In that dim red light I decided to make you love me, come in

We stood by my car and wrapped our arms around each other
the first time of one million, a tiny second of hundreds of hours
You smelled like cigarettes, leather, masculinity, my passion
For an instant I felt my hips grind into yours, your mouth on my neck

But you were already walking away, a perfectly calculated dark shadow
The distance greater with each step you took but only ending the schism
We were no longer going to live mirrored lives, never intersecting
The unexplained magnetic force was far wiser and less careful than us
Our grenades had dropped and we would have to fight forever
For the other half of our being, finally present, unable to be let go again.

You are an island of me
Your earth is the only solidity
The only element beneath my feet
Your island is my universe
The celestial paradise where
We are two exploding stars
The only burning comets
Slaves to time that is
Bleak and never ending

I am the destroyer.

A tidal of 

Complexity and hedonism

A true nightmare with

Yellow hair and a

Certain level of toxicity 

That will burn right through

Even when it no longer 

Feels good you'll be just

Another poisoned victim 

Of the wide eyed serpent 

No heart, just a gathering of

Adequately curated intentions

the phoenix is tired
too many lives exhausted
she lay in the hills of ash
comfortable in rebirth

but her heart is alive
gallons of raw and fresh
blood for her raven
who is not new but
so dark with claws that

will carve a soul out of
a lost pile of bones
writing a pretty sonnet
for the skeleton
in the wind.